ON?....OFF!!

I decided to take the weekend off. I was full of ideas and made the best discovery last weekend at my grans ( will write about that sometimes later in the blog) but I just feel so. . . weighted down. I just feel completely drenched by winter cold and the dullness of grey winter days. It's raining since days. It’s windy, and cold with rain and snow. Still I am sure that spring is on its way. Cannot wait for that fresh start.

I used this weekend for lying in and taking time for self-indulgence in my self-pity. I don’t really write much about myself. Moreover I try to keep things balanced in the blog about good things that I make- and might be inspiring for others. Still now I decided to change that. I know I am not the only one but sometimes it is just takes a lot out of you to fight what life throws at you from time to time. For me it is the worst when people come to you on FB or in snail mail with messages that turns the knife in you which has already been there for more than a year. I know they don’t want anything wrong, or to hurt me. But they do… What do you say to them? I do not mean to be rude but I just feel that people just being so insensitive sometimes and I just want to say anything without hurting them. But I just can’t. I feel soul destroyed lately. I hope that I get the chance for the fresh start I am looking for very soon. As I feel really shredded lately and disconnected with who I am and who I want to be.

I feel the biggest need recently to turn my up to now successful little crafty business into something bigger. I just not sure that I am ready to take the step to turn my hobby something that I love and makes me relax into something so serious as a real business. It mightn’t time for it as yet as I am not sure that the constant pressure of making enough money to support myself would be something I would find easy to deal with on a day to day basis.

I love to come up with new lines of products and then turning this creative thought into doodles and turning those into reality: products. Just getting inspired by buttons or materials even ribbons that I find anywhere. Sometimes it is hard to get things realized due to limitations of materials but I love challenges like that at all times. The most important ever is: nevertheless sometimes I make series or things alike all should be to a certain standard of craftsmanship and quality. I know, what I make come from the heart. I make all things with all means with the labor of love. Every seam is earnest and done with the best intentions. I honestly do my best in every product and I am proud of that. I will see if I am always successful in my Viri-ish style. Still I know I will have to balance my creative job and my real job for some time on. I know this all might seem to be a kind of a monologue full of complaint but I do not think of it as such any more, more like a personal debate that I can constantly learn from. Something that inspires solutions for the future…. Whatever that might be for me.

Outside of the above I used my time to do a bit of surfing for inspiration and ideas. I do keep up with my usual internet surfing with blogs that I am subscribed to on a day to day basis. Outside that I do not do much surfing other than keeping up my own sites which seems like more than enough sometimes or even too much with my office job. This weekend I found some quiet hours to look at other people’s sites. I just admire them and ask, "How do people find time for this?". “I wish I ever had that!” The craft blogs out there are just so beautiful! For years I have been collecting magazines like Country Living and Interiors. When I can get my hands on anything of that quality I treasure it. I would read it over and over again. Flip through the pages several times to make sure I take in all the colors and dreaming. Dreaming of how I would use it in my home or sewing. Even when I did not have a home I used to do that for a long time, since even after we got married with my hubby we did not have our own home for years.

Craft blogs are the same for me. I love to hunt for ideas, look at color schemes and read all articles on anything. I enjoy every minute when I discover something new….it keeps me going even at hard times…. Like this weekend.